I'm ashamed...

Absolutely gutted. I know that I hadn't written anything in my blog for a while but for TWO WHOLE MONTHS?!

I'm a little bit disappointed with myself. In my defence, I am out of the house for twelve hours a day five days a week - travelling to and from work on trains and buses, blah blah blah... And one of the last things I wanna do is set up my laptop downstairs so that I can get the internet on it (our home computer is overrun with viruses and we don't have wireless, unfortunately...)

:(

Of course, that doesn't excuse anything.

SPECSAVERS

Life at Specsavers is going well. I think I know enough now to feel comfortable in doing any task that anyone's asking for me to do for them. People are starting to trust me with doing different jobs around the store. But I still haven't finished my three month probation though. Everyone tells me that I've got nothing to worry about but I can't help it. It'll be the biggest weight off my shoulders ever.

I've read one of the shittest books in the whole world. 'No Time for Goodbye' by Linwood Barclay. I bought it because it was a murder mystery and I never read them. And this book made me realise that I never read them for a bloody good reason!

I've put down a deposit for a house to rent in Didsbury in Greater Manchester and will be moving in on Tuesday. Ecstatic. I feel like I've been waiting for this day all my life. Can't wait to have my own little personal space again where I can start writing properly, hopefully.

And I've also walked in on my younger brother snogging his chavvy girlfriend on the settee on Valentine's Day Evening over a bottle of wine, some beers and a toffee cheesecake.

The bleeding romantic.

Not a lot has happened really. I've just been working my arse off at work and not been very social at all. But as soon as I get my arse to Manchester, that's going to change.

List of things to do on arrival in Didsbury:-

--- Get fit and healthy (I'm actually craving healthy food and reeeeeally wanna join dance classes and the gym),

--- Pass my probation period at work,

--- Start writing properly again,

--- Start planning a holiday (preferrably to New York or Las Vegas or any other phenomenal city in the US)

--- Generally be a happier human being and a general breeze of fresh air for everyone around me.

I haven't been the happiest bunny of late but that's all soon to change.

To be continued...

P.S. I need another hair cut.

XD

I miss writing...

I miss having writing bursts that actually inspire to 'carry on' the story after 100 or so words.

I miss having the time on my hands to call myself a writer, where I can just sit and write for hours on end.

I miss Matthew Meadows. And owe him a sincere apology that I don't have a fuckin' clue how to start his story.

I miss writing for the hell of it, instead of having to worry about craft/layout/publishing needs/target audiences.

I miss having people who actually want to read and critique my work.

I miss being around other people who wanna be writers too.

I miss reading other people's stories.

:(

I attract weirdos...

Weirdo #1

I was waiting for the Hull train on platform 13 at Piccadilly and this guy sits next to me. He was drinking Red Bull and stank of sweat. He asked me which train was the Hull train and generally tried to make conversation with me but there was something a little off with him. I stood up when the train arrived, told him that this was the one he wanted and he stood RIGHT behind me waiting to get on the train. Got on, found a seat and tried to mentally communicate with everyone who walked past me to sit next to me. But, my luck, Red Bull fan sat next to me.

Wasn't very happy. Pretended to be asleep, which I think he bought until Stalybridge, where he then proceeded to badger me with stupid questions like, "You seem very tired," AFTER 'WAKING ME UP' and "What are you doing this Christmas?" After expressing my reluctance with staying at my parents he then proceeded to ask me if I wanted to go back to his country with him and spend Christmas there and, on my refusal, said that I should get to know him and that girls are allowed to have boys who are friends... BEFORE LEADING IT ONTO SOMETHING MORE. 

Now there I drew the line. I said very loudly on the train, "I don't wanna spend time with you this Christmas and, to be honest, you're making me feel a little uncomfortable," to which he shut up and left me alone, seeing as I'd attracted half the carriage.

Bollucks.

Weirdo #2

Short and sweet. On the bus home from work tonight, when a pissed up old man on the bus was getting off, he leaned into me and said... wait for it...

"Keep smiling, love. You'll get a boyfriend that way."

@_@

HOW DID HE KNOW?!

Am I a magnet for creepy men?!

Double bollucks.

Get me out of here.

I love you, Lemsip

Well, no, not really. I only like you when you taste like blackcurrant. You smell nice but make me gip a little when I get to the bottom of the mug.

Nevertheless, I am relying on

YOU

... to sort my nose and eyes out in time for brand spanking new work on Tuesday.

Pleeeeeeeeease.

:)

BAH HUMBUG!!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

Normally, I wouldn't normally give a damn. But in my current mind state, the smallest of things is enough to rub me up the wrong way.

We are completely and utterly SNOWED IN. Huddersfield is in gridlock. It doesn't help that I live halfway up a bloody hill so on the off chance that I do risk it outdoors, the chance of me falling over is considerably more than normal better balanced folk. My street is full of cars that don't belong here because people who live in Scape can't get up the hill so very inconveniently park on our street instead. The buses aren't running so I can't get anywhere and everyone's going crazy! Morons are panic-buying bread, milk and the like in bundles because the forecast says it's going to be like this for the unforseeable future!

Sooooooooooo annoying!

And I start my job in Manchester next week! The weather had better ease off a bit at the end of this week. I've already arranged to stay at a friends on the Monday night to make sure I'm actually able to get into Manchester for my first day. Shocking.

Stop snowing for the love of GOD. The novelty's wearing off.

And I don't have a pair of gloves to keep my pinkies warm in the cold.

:'(

Post-birthday blues...

Yes, it's happened. The thing that I have been looking forward to for about two months... My 22nd Birthday has been and gone in the blink of an eye. And I was left disappointed.

WARNING - This post is whiney and depressing. You may want to opt out of it now to save yourself from my teenage-like angsts.

I'm going to stop planning things for my birthday because for, perhaps, the third year running now, I have been left sorely disappointed.

It was pretty doomed from the start. The whole dress fiasco was stressing me out. I'm never really selfish but wanted to stand out on my birthday in the best possible dress I could have ever wanted. But it didn't happen. I was left with a dress that did not hide my huge belly. It was nice, but not the one I wanted.

I was ridiculously unorganised and didn't really let people know what was going on etc. etc. Entirely out of character and suffered from it in the long-run.

Normally, I always prat around in a pair of PJs until just before we're leaving so I don't ruin my dress, but carried on getting pestered by everyone to get changed into the dress that was too lowcut for my HUUUUUGE boobs. I looked like a bloody hooker.

I suppose it came together in the end. The very end.

But what has been the story of my life is that I am a heavyweight drinker. It takes me a SHIT LOAD to get drunk. Normally I can improvise and get around this by drinking wine or vodka or cider. But wine is not a 'going out' drink, vodka makes me ill the day after I've been drinking it and cider makes me bloated, which, let's face it, I already had my tits and arse on show - I didn't want my belly any bigger than what it normally is.

And what's really fucked me off is that I had absolutely NO MONEY to buy drinks once we were out. I took a lot of money out but it was my birthday money. I didn't want to piss it up the wall on drinks.

For once in my life, I've found myself sorely disappointed that my birthday is in November, where, at the moment, is the WORST TIME OF THE YEAR to have a birthday because everyone's so fuckin' skint.

Not to mention that fact that people pulled out of coming last week... a week where I was not looking forward to my birthday soooooo badly that I was close to cancelling on everyone and boxing myself up in my room and refusing to leave it on Saturday.

This will shock people who actually came out for my birthday (though I doubt any of them read my blog) because I did, kinda, have a good time. But I don't go out on nights out anymore which kills me because I love to dance and drink and see my friends.

I miss them. And the weekend was just not fun enough for me.

I couldn't even go and see Harry Potter on Sunday because I had to get back to Huddersfield for a JobSeekers consultation on Monday.

:'(

I genuinely think I may have a very very mild case of depression. It doesn't help that I'm unemployed, fat, single and don't have a social life at the moment.

The best thing of the night is this photo I suppose. I guess from the smile on my face it shows that I was having the time of my life. But in hindsight, I wish I'd have been more drunk and a little happier with myself. This will bring a lot of people down; I've even got a bit upset writing it.

I need to sort myself out.

No, wait. I need to get a job.

I didn't realise it would affect me this much. It's been five months.

Huddersfield is CRAP! Get me out of heeeeere!

I'm going a little bit psycho.

I haven't heard back from Jane Norman about the job, my jobhunting has noticably slackened and it's my birthday in a week. I've got hardly any money for a new dress and accessories etc., unemployment is not making me feel any better and, with regards to my own personal future, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I feel as though I am running out of time.

I nipped into town today to pick up a dress that I want from River Island and, SHOCK HORROR, they don't have the slightest sniff of it in the Huddersfield branch. And the dresses that they do have only go up to size 10 and 12s! What kind of a world is this?!

I regret seeing Manchester over the last three years because it's pushed Huddersfield and what it has to offer waaaaaay down the pecking order. But I'm glad at the same time because I looooove Manchester. Comparisons between the two are becoming a regular occurence to me and three guesses over which one wins.

There are a couple of things that I suppose I am going to miss about Huddersfield when I finally get out of this dump.

The fact that the train station looks like the Clock Tower from 'Back To The Future' affirms my belief that that film is one of the best films of all time.

This majestic lion looks over me everytime I walk under him.

And my family (and some remaining friends) are here.

OTHERWISE...

It takes me half an hour on the bus to get into town. When I do get into town, the shops are always disappointed and full of chavvy/teenaged staff members. It's one of the WORST towns for GOSSIPING in the UK, I am sure! And the fact that it's in Yorkshire, the weather is always misleading, it's always freezing cold and I'm always walking facing the wind!! I sweeeeear, whatever I do to change it, God is looking down on me and thinking, 'Mmm, there's no harm is making this girl walk facing the wind FOR THE GAZILLIONTH TIME!!!'

Hhhhhmph!

Youtube Gold

This has decidedly made my day.

Still laughing about it now.

What a character.

:D

This is TRAINING?!?

Yesterday, met up with Dean and Mike on account of wanting to hand a couple of CVs out round Manchester. Did the usual, took the piss out of each other and shivered in the torrential rain until Mike had to go to work.

So, I handed my CV in at this place that was, quite frankly, a mess. It was either a new store or was an old one getting refurbished. There were manic Chinese girls running around putting clothes on hangers and jewellery on shelves and she offered me the chance for 3 hours training that afternoon that would then determine if I was cut out for the job. Now, I was soaked through from the rain and Dean was waiting for me outside so I said I'm come back today and left.

I'd like to take this moment to say that I think the job was doomed from the start.

DOOMAGE #1// Absolutely SHITE night's sleep which included a nightmare no less, of getting the wrong train to the same job 'training' day and ending up in America instead of bloody Manchester.

DOOMAGE #2// Failure to get up early enough for a shower so had to load my head up with the good ol' Batiste Dry Shampoo.

DOOMAGE #3// Turning up at 10am, the alloted time we agreed, to an empty store except for one Polish man who was working on the walls who said, QUOTE, "Manager in 30 minutes. No now, 30 minutes."
:/

DOOMAGE #4// Not being able to understand a word of the manager's English even though, bless her soul, I knew she was really trying...

DOOMAGE #5// 3 hours 'training' ended up being 3 hours MANUAL LABOUR helping getting the store ready for opening in two days time... without getting paid!

DOOMAGE #6// Thus, after expressing my views on the subject that I don't work for free, on my way out of leaving the store after stuffing one fashion bag to fill it out, I knocked over a cup of coffee. I offered to clean it up but she was so angry with me that she was just like, "It's O.K. Just go! Just go!"

Hmmmmm...

And regarding which way you look at it...

DOOMAGE #7//PULLAGE #1//

Having a ridiculous amount of Marylin Monroe moments walking around the City of the North in this skirt and those blustering winds.

What a day.

Me and my big mouth :(

O.K., so the novelty of being offered the job at The Disney Store at the White Rose wore off. I looked a little closer into the finance of things and wondered why the hell I was taking the job on...

It didn't make sense. I was going to be forking out £10 a week on travel costs for two four-hour shifts. It sounds proper skanky but I get more money on Jobseeker's Allowance than I would if I'd have taken the job.

AND THIS TRAVELLING DEADLINE IS GETTING TO ME! Everyone else is saving up already! I'm the only one left out of our group that hasn't got a job yet! It's a constant nag at the back of my head twenty-four hours a day! It's draining all the fun out of me!

I just wish that I could find a full-time job a little closer to home so I can find a little shack of a flat in town and get myself sorted!

:(

So the phonecall to the Disney Store was the worst ever. She was friendly enough. I just hate the idea of saying that I'm going to do something and then just never following through.

Dead upset.

But bugger, something has got to come my way soon, riiiiiight?

:/

Love.